I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
