Midget sex pt 2 tonight
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
