This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
