he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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