I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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