Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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