He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
