I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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