Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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