Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
