dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
