Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
