i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
