party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
