I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
