You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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