Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
