Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
