thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
