somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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