Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
