So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
