we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
