Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
