Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
