ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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