She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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