My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
