she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
