I think my fart just growled at me.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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