The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize