Pappa wants mamma naked
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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