I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
