I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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