Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Randomize
