adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
