At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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