Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
