if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
