i just wanna soil my oats bro
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You may now shotgun with the bride
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
