Me. At least after what I've been through.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
