It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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