Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
