and you said cock pushups were impossible
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
