You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
