Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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