Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
