shes about as inviting as chlamydia
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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