I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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