i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
