I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
