thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
