I CAN MOONWALK!
Betty ford says i'm here all night
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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