i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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