who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
