She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
