When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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