I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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