you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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