1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
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my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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